Brilliant Bike Racing Newsgroup Satire

This was posted on 03/24/2003 9:52 PM in rec.bicycles.racing by “Laff@me.com” with the subject line of “Cipollini: he is an Goddamm Stud”.

I think it’s one of the funniest thing’s I’ve ever read… I’m sharing it in an attempt to divert my attention from my own winter-time cycling jones. Bear in mind, it’s satire, I mean no offense to any of those (Australians) insulted herein.
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From:
http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/?id=2003/mar03/mar25news

World Champion Mario Cipollini wasn’t quite as gracious in defeat as his post race comments indicated, being involved in an altercation with FDJeux.com’s Bernhard Eisel (12th) after the finish. Cipollini punched Eisel in the head, believing him to be Australian sprinter Baden Cooke. The reason for the outburst was that Cooke did not let Cipollini take Erik Zabel’s wheel in the final kilometre, after Cipollini’s leadout train had burned out between the Cipressa and the Poggio…

..snip

Imagine the temerity of that ingrate, Cooke. Not giving up his wheel. Who the hell does he think he is? Cipollini, he of the many superlative nicknames: The Lion King, Super Mario, The Fastest and Best Looking Cyclist in The World, is the WORLD CHAMPION.

What is Cooke? Some goddamm Aussie whose ancestors were sent to that continent because they were no better than common criminals. Their descendents are no better than they, not knowing their place, stealing (like the Aussie criminals that they are) the wheel of SUPER MARIO, THE WORLD CHAMPION!

Next time Cipo, I implore you to punch out the lights of Cooke (or any of his teamates, who cares) BEFORE the race starts. That will let them know What is What and Who is Who.

Bravo, Mario!

BRAVO!!!!