Tommy Hilfiger…

Late Night TV Musings

Am I the only person who’s noticed that Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia are the same person?

Oh, they say one is from New Jersey and one is from East LA, but I think it’s the same guy with a (not so) clever disguise.

Yep.

The Kitty (Cali… Caldonia if she’s naughty)

“Blaze” the Goat

So, after my earlier post about the “World Famous Balloon Blowing/Talking Goat” I did a quick Google search (why wouldn’t I?). It turns out, apparently the whole thing is (not so surprisingly) a sham… apparently “Dr. Happy LaClair” (a clown) inflates the balloons with a concealed tank of compressed gas, and, as Brian Fellow said:

“Goats can’t talk, that’s crazy!”

The reason I’m mentioning this now is twofold. First, I hope to spare you the heartbreak of paying hard-earned money to discover that “Dr. Happy” is a charlatan (allegedly). Second, last night I just happened to see the aforementioned Brian Fellow’s Safari Planet skit on an SNL repeat. Coincidence? Synchronicity? Hmm…

Pro Cycling Humor

I frequently enjoy saying “John Jacob Levi Leipheimer Schmidt”… perhaps a little bit too much.

Rural living

There are some (to me) interesting facets to living in the so-called Midwest (I say so-called because the moniker hasn’t really made sense for a hundred years or so, but anyway, I digress). One is advertisements for Tractor Supply Company on television. Another is the plethora of festivals and fairs… in this area we have:

• The Potato Festival
• The Sugar Maple Festival
• The Mum Festival
• The Strawberry Festival
• The Sauerkraut Festival
• The Sweet Corn Festival
• The Popcorn Festival
• Old Fashioned Days
• Old Timers Days
• Grumpy Old Fart Days (ok… I made that one up)

Of course every county has its own fair, too, which brings us (finally!) to the point of this missive. Small county fairs are actually pretty interesting… a good opportunity to see all sorts of interesting livestock (and people) that you normally wouldn’t… and to eat all that good fair food, that you know you shouldn’t.

Anyway… the other day the “Green County Shopper” was waiting in my mailbox. Publications of this sort (every community seems to have one) provide a wonderful window into said communities. On the cover there’s an ad for The Warren County Fair, which will feature (among other things) Wambold’s Circus!

What’s so special about that, you ask? THIS!

Dr. Happy LaClair
& “Blaze”
World Famous
Balloon Blowing/Talking Goat

I’d pay the $6 admission just to see that!

Prince of the Punks

I’m posting this because:

a) I can
b) It’s stuck in my head and I wanted to share infect someone else.

Anyway… Ray Davies (of the Kinks) is amazing. It’s hard to believe that this song originally came out in 1977. Listen to it, (in particular, the live version from ‘One for the Road’) it sounds as fresh today as it did then. That’s the mark of truly great songwriting… standing the test of time.

If you don’t own One for the Road, do yourself a favor, buy it. If you do; do yourself a favor and listen to it, right now, from start to finish, really loud… I’ll wait.

Without further ado, it’s Prince of the Punks!

A well known groover, rock ‘n’ roll user,
Wanted to be a star.
But he failed the blues, and he’s back to loser,
Playing folk in a country bar.

Reggae music didn’t seem to satisfy his needs.
He couldn’t handle modern jazz,
‘Cause they play it in difficult keys.
But now he’s found a music he can call his own,
Some people call it junk, but he don’t care,
He’s found a home.

He’s the prince of the punks and he’s finally made it,
Thinks he looks cool but his act is dated.
He acts working class but it’s all bologna,
He’s really middle class and he’s just a phony.
He acts tough but it’s just a front,
He’s the prince of the punks.

He tried to be gay, but it didn’t pay,
So he bought a motorbike instead.
He failed at funk, so he became a punk,
‘Cause he thought he’d make a little more bread.

He’s been through all of the changes,
From rock opera to Mantovani.
Now he wears a swastika band
And leather boots up past his knees.

He’s much too old for twenty-eight,
But he thinks he’s seventeen,
He thinks he’s a stud,
But I think he looks more like a queen.

He’s the prince of the punks and he’s finally made it,
Thinks he looks cool but his act is dated.
He talks like a Cockney but it’s all bologna,
He’s really middle class and he’s just a phony.
He acts tough but it’s just a front.

He’s the prince of the punks and he’s finally made it,
Thinks he looks cool but his act is dated.
He acts working class but it’s all bologna,
He’s really middle class and he’s just a phony.
He acts tough but it’s just a front,

He’s the prince of the punks and he’s finally made it,
Thinks he looks cool but his act is dated.
He acts working class but it’s all bologna,
He’s really middle class and he’s just a phony.
He acts tough but it’s just a front,
He’s the prince of the punks.

TdF stage 8 result/comedy (it’s July… of course there’s bike racing content, deal with it!)

So, the other day a rider’s name I hadn’t seen before caught my eye (because it’s kinda funny). I made a mental note to try to find out for sure what his name was, but forgot. Then this happened today (from Cycling News):

24 year-old Tour rookie Pieter Weening has given Rabobank its first stage win in this year’s race, in a very close two man sprint against T-Mobile’s Andreas Klöden. Weening was the sole survivor of an early breakaway, and was caught by Klöden at the top of the day’s final climb, the Col de la Schlucht.

Pieter Weening! Not to be juvenile about it, but that’s funny!

Also funny: Whenever they mention Team Phonak, I say, “What?”
More insight on why I find this sort of idiotic joke funny can be found here.

Hair Musing

Why is it that the gray hairs seem to grow so much faster than the rest? What are they, showing off?

Oh well… as the saying goes;

They can turn whatever color they want, just so long as they don’t turn loose.

My Dad had a lovely full head of gray hair, so I’m hopeful.

Heartbreak at Le Tour (yep, cycling content!)

This is the sort of drama that makes cycling in general, and the grand tours in particular, so riveting. Every day there are dozens of tales of triumph, of heartbreak, of grit and determination… you know, the whole “thrill of victory and the agony of defeat” thing. Earlier this week we had Zabriskie, riding in his first Tour de France winning the maillot jaune, (only the third American ever to claim that honor… even the most casual fan can name the other two) and defending it, only to lose it; crashing in the final K of the team time trial. Today Yesterday it was Christophe Mengin, racing for the stage win in his hometown crashing, in the rain, while leading, within sight of the finish. From Cycling News:

Despite the big mouse over his left eye from his last kilometre crash, local guy Chris Mengin (Francaise des Jeux) was happy. Selected as the days most combative rider, Mengin told Cyclingnews post-stage, “I had planned to attack today because the stage was to Nancy, where I live. I didn’t feel that great this morning, but I got in the good break, so that worked out well. We worked well together all day and I knew the finale today as I train on these roads all the time. It was hard in the end, but my morale gave me good legs.”

The next couple of weeks promise to be filled with even more drama, suspense, spectacular triumph and crushing defeat. Can I stand the excitement? Is there a more glorious sport than cycling?

Jan Ullrich (Warning: bike racing content)

I really like Jan Ullrich; and you have to feel for the guy. If it weren’t for Lance Armstrong he likely would have joined the pantheon of immortals himself, with at least 5 Tour de France wins. As it is he has one win, a string of second place finishes, and a fourth.

Saturday’s opening time trial was like years of Ullrich’s TdF frustration magically distilled into just over 20 minutes.

Here’s the scoop on stage 1, courtesy of Cycling News.

Here’s a photo and here’s another that speak volumes. The poor guy… not even 12 miles into a 2000+ mile race and he has to know that barring disaster (or a miracle, depending on your perspective) he’s racing for second (again).

I hope he races in next year’s Tour… I’ll be pulling for him if he does.

Mouse Update (Human–1: Cat–0)

So, the dark chocolate did the trick; without going into the gruesome details, it appeared that the trap functioned as humanely as possible.

The cat watched with feigned disinterest as I removed the carcass. She was strangely silent when I confronted her with this query:

I’m the person and you’re the cat, yet I’m the one who caught the mouse. What the Hell am I paying you for?

I bet she’d catch a mouse if it was running around carrying a damned ink pen! Of course, she’d probably just take his pen away and send him on his way.

The bad thing is, I don’t know if Mr. Mouse was here alone doing reconaissance or if he was just a part of a larger invasion force. Naturally, the cat has nothing to say about that either… damned worthless animal!