Infomercial Idiocy

Working third shift and being kept company by the television affords me the opportunity to familiarize myself with the late night TV wasteland and all of its wonderful infomercials. The other night as they extolled the virtues of the fabulous “Sonic Blade” electric knife, one phrase in particular caught my attention; “even if you’ve never used a knife before”. Never used a knife before? Exactly what demographic are they hoping to reach, insomniac pre-schoolers and unfrozen cave men?

“Put away those rounded scissors, little Johnny. Put away your stone scraper, Homo habilis. It’s the amazing new ‘Sonic Blade’! Just look how easy it is! Even if you’ve never used a knife before, you’ll be sawing tin cans in two and filleting tomatoes in no time! But wait, there’s more!”

Oh no there’s not… click!