New and Improved Hand Gestures

In light of my previous post, and having gone over Elden Nelson AKA the Fat Cyclist’s thoughts on cyclists expanding our gesture vocabulary. I think it’s time for me attempt a change in tactics. From here on out, when dealing with motorists, I shall attempt to replace my antisocial outbursts of profanity with the following two gestures.(reprinted here, just as Elden wrote them)

Gesture 1: The Anti-Flipoff
I make mistakes while biking in traffic sometimes. And I regret them. In fact, I sometimes feel downright stupid. I want to acknowledge my mistake and apologize for it. Currently, I do this weird pantomime where I shrug my shoulders, and mouth the word, “Sorry!”

The problem with this technique is it takes too long and requires that the person you’re apologizing to is no further away than six feet, and is preferably sitting absolutely still, so as to catch the nuance of the shrug and mouthed apology.

What I need instead is an Anti-Flipoff: something that quickly says, “Oops, me bad. I’m an idiot. Sorry.”

To perform the Anti-Flipoff, rap yourself on the helmet three times, as if checking to see if your head is hollow. It’s quick and it’s self-deprecating. I worry, however, that this one won’t catch on, because while people are generally happy to point out other errors, they’re only rarely aware of their own.

Gesture 2: The Magnanimous Flipoff
You know, not every grievance is equally bad. Sometimes, motorists do something that’s just annoying enough that you want that you want to call their attention to it, but not really bad enough to warrant a flipoff. This gesture says, in effect: “You may well deserve to be flipped off, and in fact most people would flip you off. But I am your moral superior, so I instead choose to forgive you.”

To perform the Magnanimous Flipoff, extend one arm so it’s easily visible, hand splayed, then wobble that hand up and down as if to say, “Your mental faculties are only so-so.” My guess is that the condescending nature of this gesture will make it be perceived as more infuriating than the original flipoff.

There are many more useful gestures in Elden’s post, I just chose these two as they applied particularly to cyclist/driver interactions.