Rosie O’Donnell

What if…

…Queen Latifah became a dental hygienist and changed her name to Clean Matifah?

Scott Stapp

So, apparently, Scott Stapp (fomerly of Creed) is engaged. His fiancée, Jaclyn Nesheiwat, was Miss New York USA 2004 and is currently the director of public affairs for the Scott Stapp Foundation, which promotes healthy parent/Scott Stapp child relationships.

My suggestions for gifts for the happy couple? Mirrors; portraits of Scott Stapp; anything engraved Mr. and Mrs. Scott Stapp.

The upcoming nuptials aren’t mentioned on the “news” page of Scott Stapp’s website, however, the words “Scott Stapp” do appear 11 times! That’s roughly one “Scott Stapp” per 21 other words! It’s Stapp-tastic!

Tommy Hilfiger…

Late Night TV Musings

Am I the only person who’s noticed that Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia are the same person?

Oh, they say one is from New Jersey and one is from East LA, but I think it’s the same guy with a (not so) clever disguise.

Yep.

Stewart won’t reveal ‘Apprentice’ catchphrase

“‘I think you’ll find it quite different,’ Stewart said Wednesday during an appearance at the Promax&BDA conference of marketing executives in New York.

Stewart said it took awhile for her to figure out what she would use in place of Trump’s signature phrase. She even asked her employees via company intranet for suggestions.

‘I got some doozies,’ she reported. Among them: ‘You’re not a good thing’ and ‘You’re a bad thing.’”

I wish she had asked me, I could have given her some real “doozies”; how’s about:

“Is Martha Stewart going to have to shank a bitch?” regardless of the person’s gender. (And yes, I did shamelessly rip this off from the Wayne Brady sketch on Chappelle’s Show.)

She really should go with “You’re shanked!” For fun and an extra boost to the ratings she could, from time to time, really shank the person, ’cause heaven knows, we Americans love our mindless violence.

Hopefully someone will let me know if she steals my idea… I most definitely will not be watching.

Good Answer!

Ex-’Family Ties’ Actor Accused of DUI

June 2, 2004 03:50 PM EDT

BOULDER, Colo. - Brian Bonsall, the youngest member of the Keaton clan on television’s “Family Ties,” was arrested last week on suspicion of drunken driving.

Bonsall, 22, was arrested early Friday by police who said they saw someone vomit out the passenger side window of his car. Asked how much he had to drink, Bonsall responded, “Plenty,” then failed a roadside test.

Police said a blood test showed he had “excess alcohol content” but did not disclose the exact amount.

Bonsall, who lives in Boulder, starred as Andy Keaton for three seasons on the NBC sitcom in the late 1980s that helped launch the career of Michael J. Fox. Bonsall later appeared in episodes of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” and the 1993 film “Father Hood.”

Bonsall was convicted of drunken driving in 2001 and his license was suspended, police said.

That’s a good answer… “plenty”. Not quite as good as my favorite reply to a foolish cop question (From “COPS”).

Foolish Cop: Why did you run away?
Shirtless Hillbilly: I was trying to get away from you bastards.