I enjoy Chinese food. A lot. There happens to be a Chinese buffet about 3 blocks from my house and I order takeout from them frequently. A while back it seemed that every time I called a man who spoke basically no English would answer the phone. After a few awkward moments of neither of us being able to understand the other, he’d put the woman who usually answers the phone on and all was well.
After about the fourth or fifth time this happened, it started to really annoy me. “Why the hell would you have the guy who doesn’t speak any English answering the phone? That’s just stupid.” I groused.
Imagine my chagrin when I discovered that I had been calling their fax number, which evidently rings in the kitchen, where English fluency isn’t so much a requirement. I had to laugh as I imagined the dialogue: “Why the hell does that guy keep calling the fax machine? That’s just stupid.”
Robert Mecklenborg is a conservative Republican who represents much of western Hamilton County, Ohio.
Check out his mugshot, here.
Investigators say Mecklenborg had viagra in his system and a woman in the car with him. There are reports that she is connected to a Lawrenceburg strip club called Concepts Showgirls.
Man! Talk about burying the lede! How is that not the headline?
Winfrey’s latest venture: “Oprah’s Oberlin Ohio Hobo Oboe Orchestra”. You read it here first.
The commercials finally convinced me, so I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sexual activity.
He said, “I’m a podiatrist, jackass.”
Sometimes I worry that if I accidentally put the wrong type of plastic in my recycling bin it will send the guy into a wild-eyed rage and he’ll scatter the contents across my yard before hurling the empty bin through my front window.*
That’s a rational fear, right?
* Poorly-drawn cartoon representation on the way, stay tuned
Since it’s apparently perfectly okay for a complete stranger to say to me:
“You’re so skinny! Don’t you eat?”
Then it stands to reason that must be acceptable for me to respond:
“You’re so fat! Do you ever stop eating?”
I think I’ll try that out. I’ll let you all know how it goes.
Like anyone with an email address, I get my fair share of spam. Most of it is simply annoying but every now and then I get a gem like this, brilliant in its awkward absurdity:
Attn;My Dear,
This is to bring you notice that i have register your ATM VISA CARD with DHL COURIER .And the card’s value is $1.5 millions united state dollars,so The delivery charges has been paid but i did not pay their official keeping fees since they refused.Reasons for their refusal is because they do not know when you are going to contact them because the keeping fee is $45 dollars per a day.
And i deposited it yesterday 23th June 2010 So that is reason why i did not pay for keeping fee and that is only you are going to pay them,so i want you to contact them urgent to avoid increase of their keeping fee.
Contact Mr. Johnson Udo
DHL DIRECTOR GENERAL
EMAIL:dhlexpress_c@qatar.io
Phone +229-9841-6839
This are the information needed for easy delivery of your CARD.1.YOUR FULL NAME_____,2.YOUR HOME ADDRESS______,3..YOUR PHONE AND CELL NUMBER____,4.A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE____,5.YOUR COUNTRY_____
So as soon as you recieved your card do let me know ok,
Best Regard
Mr.Robert Erickson.
“Attn;My Dear,“? “A copy of my picture“? Fabulous!
Why wouldn’t DHL Express’ email domain be “qatar.io”?
Of course I’ll pay the “keeping fee”, I want my $1.5 millions united state dollars!
Seriously, anyone dimwitted enough to fall for something like this deserves whatever misfortune befalls them.
Tuesday I was checking Twitter, like I do (shut up, the fact that you’re reading this disqualifies you from calling me a dork) and I saw the following “tweet” from Conan O’Brien:
Yesterday was the longest day of the year, unless you count the time I interviewed Lance Armstrong.
I got a pretty good chuckle out of that and I remember thinking, “he’d better be careful, you don’t want to piss off Le Lance.” You can imagine my delight when, a couple of hours later, Lance himself posted this response:
@ConanOBrien all you wanted to talk about was riding bikes and shaving your legs. It was, uh, slightly freaky.
While he is often perceived as somewhat “prickly” (or a bit of a dick, if you prefer)*, Lance does seem to have a pretty good sense of humor, as evidenced here.
It came as something less of a surprise that Conan had a funny retort but I got a good laugh out of this:
@lancearmstrong - I was drunk. And I wanted some tips for smoother legs. Is that so wrong?
This type of exchange is what keeps me coming back to Twitter. Of course, regular people are often just as funny as (or funnier than) “celebrities”.
*I’m not passing judgment though, who the hell wouldn’t be, if they were in his shoes?
I filed my Federal, State, and School District tax returns months ago (electronically). My City return, though, requires me to fill out an actual paper form which I then must either mail or hand-deliver to the courthouse. It’s all so quaint and 1900’s-ish.
Anyway… today I finally got around to doing my city taxes.
Included with my “city income tax package” was a sheet of instructions on Goldenrod paper. I read one side and at the bottom it said, “Please read both sides! There is important information on the other side.” I read that and at the bottom it said, “Please read both sides! There is important information on the other side.” I read that and at the bottom it said, “Please read both sides! There is important information on the other side.” I read that and…
2 hours later, I gave up and started working on my return.
Installing a new operating system on my computer - ‘Innuendos 7′.
I don’t care for the way it uses a winky emoticon when it asks me to insert a boot disk.
Thank goodness the delivery notice telling me “we delivered your package” was affixed directly to my package, or I never would have known.
If they’re going to play these sort of mind-games, they should go all out, check ‘other’, and pencil in “right fucking here.”